I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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