Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
