my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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