Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
