i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
