That's when you crack a 10am beer
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
