so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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