I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she told me i tasted like america
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
