You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
