I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
