My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the raccoons are back...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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