god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
