So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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