could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
