umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
