haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
