My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
