shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mom said you looked used
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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