You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
