At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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