i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
