Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
