we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
