I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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