i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
