That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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