im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
