new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
