i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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