my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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