It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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