I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
