I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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