I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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