do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
