got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
