I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
