remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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