So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
