What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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