I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
