3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
