literally had 100 drinks last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
