I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
