She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
