I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
