yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
