ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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