her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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