ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
